The Poison Pen

The Wheel of Misfortune.

Posted in Uncategorized by thepoisonpen on August 7, 2012

I appear to be coming out of an extremely long period of sadness and depression. The kind in which you can’t quite put a finger on, but where you find yourself religiously watching the real housewives of NYC much to the concern of your beloved, who can’t quite prize you away from your daily numbing sesh.

And that is what I have discovered: Television can be an insidious numbing tool when used incorrectly.

Then I realised how quickly half a year can go by and how little you feel you have to show for it. How I stopped writing, stopped taking pictures and stopped feeling like myself. Life throws up like drunk sometimes, this has nothing to do with you, it just happens. Situations, relationships and work all change all of the time, whether you choose to acknowledge it or not. Right now it feels all of these things are in a state of flux and it just feels overwhelming.

How does depression hit? I’m not sure, but not talking about it can add to it. Pertaining to the idea that you are ok, and that you just need to put on a happy face and get through the day can make things worse, you end up logging in online and feeling like you’re the only one struggling, thus adding to the feelings of isolation.

I deleted my facebook in a minor adult act of defiance and in a last ditch attempt to make me write letters, send emails, and anything just to catch up with the people I truly cherish. It’s worked to an extent, and I can honestly say this; when it’s not there anymore, you don’t miss it.

I’m not sure what the purpose in writing this is, maybe it’s just to say to myself out loud that it’s ok to not to be ok all of the time.

Accompanying photos taken sometime in March at the Discovery Museum, Newcastle. I actually took the photo of the mannequin and asked my hairdresser to re-create it. So I am now officially a blonde.

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6 Responses

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  1. graniaobrien said, on August 8, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    glad you’re feeling better – it’s always a slow haul pulling yourself out of a depression.

    i deleted my facebook 4 years ago and loved being off it – it’s so freeing. i went back on it for the wedding, but i’m tempted to delete it again. I don’t like what it does to my sanity.

    • thepoisonpen said, on August 11, 2012 at 10:22 pm

      Thank you lovely. I’ve been off the radar for a bit, but I really want to come and visit to see you properly again 🙂 Facebook is weird, but according to the Daily Mail anyone who doesn’t have it is a psychopath. Devil & deep blue sea! xx

  2. Scott Perry said, on August 9, 2012 at 4:15 am

    It’s kind of funny – the World Wide Web! I came across your blog a couple of years ago and bookmarked it because the entry that I read at the time was so well written – really witty – that I thought it was something worth checking in on every once and again. I haven’t deleted my FB account, though in the same sort of “adult act of defiance”, I did cut off a couple of friends who had proved themselves not to be quite so friend-like, and subsequently went through quite a “break-up” like longing to get them back – but I held strong – thank God, according to most of my friends. Being of the “Old Generation” I was a little concerned when you switched over to Instagram for your photo’s, but it’s nice to see that they’re integrated with the Blog. Anyway, probably a longer comment than warranted, but I do think it’s cool how a blog can reach out over an ocean. Hope it helps in some way. Scott

    • thepoisonpen said, on August 11, 2012 at 10:27 pm

      Thanks Scott, I really appreciate that. I didn’t realize anyone would still come by my humble place on the net 🙂 Facebook can be funny regarding friends, I think if you have one for a few years you end up with people on there in any normal circumstance you would have naturally moved on from, but there they are. And I’m not sure that’s healthy, or maybe I just take my relationships too seriously! Deleting seemed the only way without causing drama. The perils of the world wide web these days.

  3. Zoë (@acertainsmile) said, on August 22, 2012 at 12:51 am

    I love these photographs. Its such a hard topic to talk about, in talking about it, its supposed to take away some of the stigma, but when is appropriate to bring it up? How do you phrase it – what is this if it isn’t depression? I’ve experienced these feelings too, but don’t ever be afraid to share them here x

    • thepoisonpen said, on August 23, 2012 at 1:48 pm

      Ah thank you 🙂

      I know, I always feels it’s harder to talk about on the nets because everyone seems so damn intent of pushing the hyper reality where we all read the secret and nothing bad ever happens in our lives. When really, life throws things up and down and that’s completely normal. x

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